TIME TO VENT!

hey. well, i always state how im writing to no one - watever, i need to vent. i cant mention names just because you know for the sake of privacy of others, but if you KNOW me, you know who im talking about.

- everyone knows ima lowkey emo person at times & i cant even help that because thats just what comes being part of a scorpio. im a really caring & loving person when it comes to people i care for & like & sometimes i try to show people so much & its a shame because some just dont see it. or maybe they do ? iunoo - i just know i put up alot with people & there personalities & attributes - i mean thats what a "well-rounded" person is considered. i stress over everything & get jealous alot but hey - its only a regular human trait right ? people havento be the most confusing creatures ever.theyshow you many sides & then your expected to adjust to each side you come across of that person. i guess if you like the person enough youll do anything to adjust to their personality. its only worth really if they do the same for you back. no matter how well you think you know someone, you really dont. a person comes with so many attributes you may not know how to handle or accept them [in this case, im having a very hard time]. you can only treat someone howd you wanna be treated ; cliche` but true. you can only hope the other person on ther other side views you the same way you view them : you know on the same level & shit. any kind of relationship is hard ; friends or lovers, or even both. jealousy & a whole buncha nasty moods can afflict the relationship, but whatever it is, if you want it to work, it WILL work ( on both sides that is ).

- i just really hope that in the end its all worth it - like, i hope im fighting for a reason, crying for a reason, getting jealous for a reason - better yet i hope we're fighting for a reason, we're crying for a reason, & we get jealous for a reason. i try to show my affection towards them all the time & i feel i fail. everytime we ge a stronger connection somehow their attitude weakens it. i feel i give this person way too much affection. theres no reason why they should be feeling sad, neglected & all that other shit because i try to make them feel the opposite by giving them reassurng words & always trying to uplift their mood. trying to make their days a little bit brighter by trying to hang out & show them what a good friend can really be like. i dont understand how they still feel those negative feelings when the have someone like me in their life working to make them happy. people dont realize that their attitudes really do affect other people around them. im sad because your sad - why cant you see that ? you do everything you can to possibly feel "shitted" on in the end.

-sighs. maybe i just put too much thought into my feelings w. other people & situations. people come into your life for a reason & i always question my purpose of me being in your life or your in mine ? i thought i knew but obviously not. they throw me off all the time. i feel like im constantly playing cat & mouse. we have this convo all the time & its just this repition. i argue about the same thing & its like aways the same result. when will you seeeeee ? i dont think they quite get it from where im coming from. i feel like i put effort into everything. everytime we have a problem i always hit them up & confront them & try to make it better. im always the first one to make an effort, like whe will you be tho? & they mean too much for me to just leave....

- i hope theres a change, i really want a change.

With all that being said i guess im outro - thats basically all that was on my mind. typical shit that makes me wnt to deck walls. lol ahhhhhh. comment ot just read ; eithers great !

fuck my job.

yeah, i said it ; fuck my JOB ! mannnnnn i never knew i would hate people & my work place so damn much. when i tell you i been out of highschool for 2 years , i think i may of lied. my job is 9th grade all over. i get so pissed everythime i walk through those automated doors. between fake, sus ass, managers & backstabbing, shit talking co workers - i unnnn even know if i can handle it anymore. i came up in that job with a bad ass attitude, i must admit, but seeing that that attitude was taking me nowhere i changed my shit up & changed for the "better". people who know me, KNOW how i am ; loud & rambunctious & opionionated - but so the fuck what ?i ve come to the point in my life where i feel ive taken enough peoples shit through the years ; so i guess thats why im so rebellious now ?

anyway [ im rambling on ] , i cant really give names & shit becuase writing shit down { especially over the internet } about people is never really a goood idea. but put it like this i dont like when people ACT black. last time i knew niggas aint even like us & was trynah hang us from trees & now you wanna be us ? whattttt ? riiighhttttttt...

theres hella shit that i can wright about the shit that goes down at my job but that would def. be a book & im not trynah be a novelist right now. i just hate btches there & managers are all sus. fake ass people & im about to go back to my old ways & tellin niggas off in there faces. fuck all that other scary shit.

WHATEVER ; how about valentines day is this weekend & me & my boo are gunna go hard.[ NOT LIKE THAT ; well kinda like that ] lmao - lowkey excited. our anniversary is in 3 days. year & 7 months. go us ! i guess thats it; besides my ass hella broke, hours at work all fucked up, goin to school, doin good so far. time will tell. gotta pay these bills mengggg !

im out. i got homework to do . cmnt me ;]

Lame Saturday Nights

Hello World ! Well well well everyone knows in a few days the inaguration of Barack Obama will be occuring, how great, isnt it ? The first time black people are involved in something legally. lol Its funny how we [ yes,we, meaning WE black people ] have all these social gatherings, concerts, balls & such. I guess its because we have finally made a change for a change. why not celebrate the hell out of our victory. Lets say if John McCain won, would there be balls & concerts & shit. hellllllllllllllllllllll naw , probably just lynchings & a bunch of rednecks running around claiming another victory they wouldnt have deserved. obviously this is not the case [ thank God ] & we will really see change. Only time will tell if he really "walks the walk". On a good note tho Go Obama & i have much faith that he will restore this country.

Ok so how about some news about me ? lol . wellllll not that anything interesting has been going on. My boyfriend continues to act like a dick but we love each other so we get over it. Ahhh, ive just been working & resting, constantly tired bc of this flu/cold. hurry up & leave damnit ! i do have some good news tho, atleast for me, my sister from california will be bringing her ass to NY [ & my lovely nephew ] to spend some quality time with her little sister [ me, duh ]. i havent seen her since last may ! fun fun funnnn !

k im just rambling now . im home this saturday night. friends are ? lol & my boyfriend is out.... & my my twin [ kayla ] is at a kickback ? ahhh so where does this leave me ? at home writing to no one looking like a loser. woot .

byeeeeeeeeeee ;]

First Blog ; Go Me !

Hello world ? well techically im only talking to myself because i dont know how the fuck ll use this site or where ll find people that will read it lol. i just like ll write even if no one is reading. get shit off my chesttttttttttt.

Today was pretty boring. i have the flu so theres really nothing ive been doing ; except getting rest . this cough i have sounds like some sort of heyena [hi-ee-na] ? shit. work id way too much iv me to handle. these people i work with are like all on some highschool shit. all anyone does there is run their mouth, act two-faced, & ahwole bunch of other wack shit. truth be known tho im the realest btch that works there. if someone has a problem they always run to me to handle it. & that shit is gettin old now. someone that works at my job has a problem with me & whoever ? & is like "no ones gunna bother 'her', these stupid bitches here" - ? im a stupid btch tho? last time i checked your the one with psychological issues, gettin mad at a situation your not even part of. i can be a classy btch for the most part, but some of these hoodrat scrapes are about to make me act like the btch i dont wanna be. fasho.

blahhhh . fuck that situation tho, bitches aint bothering me.

on another note: my boyfriend [of 1year6months] is yelling at me & being rude for no reason. niggas be havin these sus ass feelings & not telling niggas how they feel so while hes telling me "fuck you, you stupid, its over" bullshit, im looking at the phone like here this nigga go. dont get me wrong this my heart - but he just flippin out for no reason. i got off work at 10pm & got home round 1030, then talked with family, called this nigga & texted him, he didnt even pick up. [ we havent chilled really this week because im sick with the flu & ive been resting ] but so i guess this is his way of showing me he misses me & wants to chill...... no one said we couldnt chill... end result: im staying home tonight. im off work all day tmrw -so we'll see exactly what happens.

not so bad for my first blog, ehhh ?